Last week I found a lump in my breast. I remember in that moment of discovery, the feeling of my heart falling to my toes. The first fear, of course – cancer. The second fear – what about my husband, my kids? And then my thoughts turned directly to God, saying, “Okay God, you’ve got my attention, I submit to your will.” And then peace.
I can’t deny that I didn’t worry. The lump doubled in size in just two days. Upon visit to our family doctor, we were hoping for news that it was a simple cyst, however upon initial examination my family doctor suspected it to be a mass of cells. And fast growing cells are not a good thing. A sweet friend of mine dropped this nugget of gold … “Worrying about something is not the same as praying about it”. Thank you Jamie.
In those days of not knowing and waiting, though the hardest, they were also a gift. Another good friend of mine, Delisa, told me “God will always fight FOR us. It’s amazing to see how far He will go to get our attention!” God had been pulling at my heart even before “the lump” but life has always been too busy for me to give him my full attention. I am guilty of making my husband, my boys, my business, my work, the centre of my life for so long now.
I proclaim to be a Christian, a follower of Christ, but I haven’t been spending time in devoted prayer each day. I have not been reading the Bible and soaking up the Word and His promises for us. I confess that I have not pursued my relationship with God with a passion that even comes close to the passion I have for my family and my work.
Isn’t it funny how sometimes we need to be brought to our knees to realize how little we can do on our own without the power of Christ in our lives? It was in that moment of peace that I knew this wasn’t some sort of punishment or wrath for me ignoring God. It was His Grace being shown to me, gently telling me, “Hey – I need your attention because I’m not done with you yet.”
In those days of waiting, God revealed his love even more deeply. I realized that for my husband, my best friend of 21 years, 16 of those married, there was nothing he could do to show me he loved me more, because he’s just that good at it every single day. Sorry ladies. Truly, I married the best guy on earth. ;o)
I also experienced the blessing of having family and friends around me who dropped everything to pray for me. I’ve never really been one to ask for prayer… call me shy, or proud, or lazy or all three… but never again will I make that mistake. I’ve always believed in the power of prayer, but perhaps from a distance or for other people. Having now personally experienced and received the blessings of prayer, I will not hesitate to ask again!
We are still waiting to hear definitive results, but it feels like God has given me a new life, a second chance, and for that I’m am overwhelmed with gratitude and a desire not to waste this gift. We are thankful for those who have journeyed with us. We look forward to what God has in store…. whatever that might be.
“Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord”. Ps 27:14
We received the reports back from the biopsy and I never would have thought the words “NEGATIVE FOR MALIGNANCY” would sound so beautiful.
Over the past few days I received so many prayers. THANK YOU FRIENDS! I experienced blessings too numerous to count. Going through this journey has allowed conversations that otherwise wouldn’t have happened and through these connections, I’ve also been given the opportunity to pray for people going through similar and more trying circumstances than mine.
Is it bad to say I wish I could have re-directed the prayers for my sake to people who need them more?? I’m glad it doesn’t work that way and that God doesn’t limit our prayers, just like He doesn’t limit His love. My promise is to be dedicated in my words when I say I’ll pray for you. Not just words easily typed on a keyboard (thanks Collins!) I truly hope every person can experience the immeasurable power and blessing in receiving prayer placed in the hands of an all powerful and loving Father.
I know there will be times when God’s answer will not be what we hope for, and I hope for the courage and wisdom to share those experiences with you as we journey through them.
In Love, In Christ ~ Q